Always...

I'm not extremely fussy where "romance" is concerned. Christiana, an old girlfriend from the States, after reading my blog asked...

"What do you want? You seemed lost... and sad" she said.
"..." blank as usual because I never expect old friends to just call a quadrillion miles away from me, asking about current events in my life.
Like Gary, Christiana admitted to me, that women our age {whatever that means} must initiate the first move. Speechless, I let her talk, since she is making the call. She went on that I should confront the bloke I'm currently blogging about, and get into his pants.

LV who has been in Malaysia for the past month or so, said that I need a good **c*.

Blimey - Its difficult being a virgin in a virginless world. Express that to my female siblings, and they'd cringe at me. Why would AA want to get laid? She's an adopted alien, with an appetite for putting the world on its toes.

"...You've read it Christiana - You know me, I've never been in such a fix before - Remember what's his name .... Leonard?... that male model?"
"How can I forget... Yummy!" she giggled. A woman at almost 50 giggling about the past throws more than an insight. She was wild. She was also sane compared to most other women I've had the priviledge of meeting whilst living in Paris.
"...so how is this one different?"
"He's different. Il est français..and you know... ils sont differents quoi.." I sighed.
"...drop him! They cannot be trusted!" she quipped. Her first husband was French. He married her to get dual citizenship.
"..you want a french paper?" she asked me. Shocked, I couldn't find the answer.

".."

After a silence that felt like the world stood still for at least another millennia, I answered.

"No Christiana. I could've gotten that if I wanted aeons ago - but I was not prepared to embrace being "french" - I was too proud being Malaysian then. Besides, I could have gotten the papers two years ago when David offered a marriage of convenience"
"Yes... you even told many who thought you were American - I remember that. David? You didn't tell me this!!" she added, a bit annoyed. Its not like we communicated via email every single hour or week. How could I tell of David, when its past historic.
"No.. I'm not interested in being this or that - Its just that this gar is ... I don't know... he is .. Its not like me to be struck by such attraction for such a long time - its been what? ... 6 months now - I'm sure he must be good, otherwise I wouldn't be attracted to him. Its not like he's adonis," I added.
"He's not? He's rich at least?"
"I don't know..besides, it doesnt really matter does it?"
"Of course it matters.."
"The funny thing is... I've seen his visage in Paris, in a vision, do you remember the time when I was with Paolo?" I asked.

"Hahaha.. both of you were a hot item in school then..Of course I remember - You wanted the other, but ended up with Paolo - how can anyone forget" breathlessly she said without a pause.
"You see Christiana... I don't know anymore..I've seen this guy before, and yes, forgotten him for almost an eternity, and there..."
"...you were minding your heart, yes, I read the blog" she burst out laughing.

I don't know much. Hell, I don't know anything, but most of what I know and lived have been etched in my visions, or dreams. I've lived them all. Why I am attracted to you is beyond anything that can piece one and one together in your reality. Maybe I should just close the book. Maybe... I should just do that.

"No, you need to get laid... being a virgin for far too long can be detrimental - even for aliens" Christiana said, laughing hysterically.

Dina, over the short conversation this afternoon, asked why I'm still here in Kuala Lumpur. The city, heck - the country is too small. She knows me too well. She says I deserve Paris, and vice versa.

"Go AA, go! Don't wait... the longer you wait..,"
"I know... but I'm not in the position to leave. If I had the funds I would. I'm a fakiira, remember?" within, my heart cried, whilst trying to smile since I was in a meeting with a Media celebrity, who's now stationed in Kuala Lumpur.


Tonight, I shall close the book, and end the chapters. Life is too beautiful, to cry for another tsunami.

For you whom I've loved, you'll be within... for in the end, you will face none other than...



Always